What Faith !!

This is a copy of a remarkable email I received, it is reproduced by permission. It blessed me so much I just had to share it with you all. This simply made me weep over my own lack of faith. What a testimony from 94 years ago !!

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"The following are entries translated from a diary and I hope the owner would not mind me sharing them now with you all!

‘. . . Oh my Jesus, my heart has merged into Your heart and I cannot find it any more. All the cells and atoms of my soul have been dispersed inside the ocean of Your heart. Wherever I search for my heart, there I find Yours. I could be separated from my own soul but I can never be separated from You, I am in You for ever. . . ‘

‘. . . You are the pleasure of my heart, the delight of my soul, the joy of my spirit, the light of my eyes, the strength of my life, the boasting of my existence, the glory of my entire life. How can I leave such a Saviour? . . . ‘

‘. . . I have vowed to be Yours for ever and ever to be with You. . . A million times I repeat my vow to You, for since I first vowed to be Yours forever, I have found You so perfect, so noble, so delightful. . . Even if You reject me, it is impossible, eternally impossible for me to leave You, beloved Saviour. . . ‘

‘. . . How grateful I am for loving me with all Your heart. I love You also, You know that I love You with all my soul and mind and strength, and my will be increasing for ever. Thank You for showing me the One I am supposed to love. I came into being for You only. . . ‘

‘. . . Your love has unlocked every chamber of my heart. You have conquered all of my existence. My soul longs for You with unquenchable thirst. I long to hear You say, ‘My child, I am here.’ . . . ‘

‘. . . Throughout my daily tasks my heart thirsts for You within me, oh my Jesus. Not only from morning till evening but even from night till dawn, my soul swims within your love. You are my dream when I sleep, and when I am awake You are my sweet meditation.
Your beauty is rare. If it ever possible to cast me in hell, even there, amongst the eternal flames with all my heart I will cry to You, ‘ I love You, beloved Jesus, I love you and thirst for You’.
If it would ever be Your will to extinguish me, my existence would cease but my love for You, joined to Your love, would still envelope You. . . ‘

‘. . . As long as I exist I will love You. I have found whom my soul was searching for. As soon as I saw You from afar I recognised You, my heart said, ‘He, He is the One’, and as long as You are who You are, how can I help but loving You?’ . . . ‘

‘. . . For my love for You, is also as strong as death, it will hold You captive for ever . . . I cling to You, I will not let You go for one moment. . . ‘
You are almighty, yet You cannot erase my love for You. You are eternally free but You will never be able to escape from my love.
Lord, allow me to constrain You to stay with us, do not take a step further. Stay in our home, let it be Your last station, Your paradise. We want to have You with us not just as a friend, but as a brother, Redeemer and King. Stay with us, we want to refresh Your heart, we want to do good to You, to give You rest, to bless You, to treat You as the apple of our eye. . . ‘

‘. . . one favour only I seek, to see You face to face. Only then my soul will be perfectly satisfied. I see You now but only through faith. I want to see You as You are. I want to see Your blessed face, Your smile, I want to hold the hand that was pierced for me and say, ‘ I love You my Jesus’
My heart thrills even now.
What will happen to me when You gaze into my eyes and say, ‘Welcome my beloved brother’ . . ? How many years I will spend gazing at Your face?
How much I long for the day of our meeting face to face!
I wish it was today!
Grant me, my Lord to see Your face and be satisfied with Your countenance. . . ‘

Five years after his last entry, the man who penned these words was called into the Presence and gazed into the Face he longed for.
It was 1916, and he was aged 42.
The man was the writers grandfather.
He lived to love God with all his heart, and he became a window through which the Lord’s grace was poured into our family.
He came into a saving knowledge of God in his thirties and after that became one of the first ministers of the gospel in the Greek colonies of Pontus, now northern Turkey.
We did not know much about him. My father was orphaned at the age of four, and as my grandfather’s death was followed by the Asia Minor catastrophe, very few people remained alive that could pass on first hand information about him.
The Lord in His goodness granted me the privilege of getting possession of 17 of his diaries!
In them, I am discovering a man who in the midst of, the Armenian genocide in his town and neighbourhood, the Turkish uprising against the Greek population, his duties to his dear flock, his family life, the tremendous instability of the era, and the severe cholera outbreak, had a heart that was consumed by one thing only, the love of the Bridegroom!
A man who loved God above his own salvation!

How much I wish these entries were penned by me.
Ever since I started looking into my grandfather’s diaries, my heart has been stirred deeply and my life has been challenged and greatly disturbed.

Will ever such assurance of loyalty and such boldness be mine?"
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