Communications

Burning Bridges

Bridges are amazing things. They allow you to cross over obstacles that would be impossible to cross without the help of a bridge. They are two way affairs – you can usually cross them in either direction. They are strong enough to support the weight of more than one person at a time. Some make you pay a toll before crossing them while others allow free passage. Some, like the one at our local railway station, have steps up and down. You have to climb the steps, cross the bridge, then climb down the steps on the other side.

There are a couple of good and wise sayings about bridges. Don’t try to cross your bridge until you come to it. Don’t burn your bridges until you are certain you don’t want to cross.

I learned a valuable lesson today. Once you have burned the bridge, it is impossible to cross it again. That sounds quite logical and obvious doesn’t it? Yet every day, normal, sensible people burn their bridges. It’s all about communication. Good clear communication is easily understood and it is quite difficult to mis-interpret. Poor, or ambiguous communication, on the other hand, can cause all sorts of mis-understandings which lead to pointless and un-necessary quarrels and arguments, which lead to splits and schisms.

2 Timothy 2:23 (NIV 1984) “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.”

Now why do you think the Word of God calls them “foolish and stupid arguments”? It’s because they cause strife, and strife is just about the most undesirable element in any situation.

So, what brought all this up? E-mails and texts !! The trouble with any communication that is not face to face is that you cannot look into a person’s eyes; you cannot always hear the tone of voice properly – if at all; and you cannot read the body language. Mind you, even in a face to face meeting, if one person will not look you in the eyes, then you can be pretty sure their agenda and motives are suspect.

So when I saw our friends tonight, and when we resolved and defused a potentially damaging situation – all cause by texts and e-mails – I was so grateful I had pulled back from burning a bridge that would have been virtually impossible to repair had I sent that final e-mail. Oh, it’s not all over yet. The repercussions could echo around for days but thats all they are – echoes. But we managed to lay the foundations of a good peace treaty – and that all-important bridge is still open between all of us.

Just after they left us, I spotted a God-sent message on Facebook which read like this :-

Before you assume, learn the facts

Before you judge, understand why

Before you hurt someone, feel

Before you speak, think

It’s that last line – “before you speak, think”. That is the operative word here.

· Learn the facts – never assume anything. Make the phone call first and ask, who, what, where, when, and why?

· Before you make any kind of judgement, try to understand why someone did what they did or said what they said.

· Before saying anything at all, let alone anything hurtful, ask yourself how you would feel if the other party said that to you.

· Finally, before you say a word, think carefully about what you can say and how you can say it.

Whatever you do, don’t burn that bridge until you are absolutely certain you don’t ever want to cross it again. Don’t let the enemy goad you into anything before you’ve applied those four basic principles.

1. Before you assume, learn the facts

2. Before you judge, understand why

3. Before you hurt someone, feel

4. Before you speak, think

It’ll be hard but it’ll be worth it.